How to Interpret Your Score on the “Are You A Lucky Guy?” Quiz
(Click here to see the latest results from the quiz)
Yes = 1 point No = 0 points
11 out of 11 – You may be the luckiest man alive! Your score indicates that you have several obnoxious habits and that your wife, girlfriend, or significant other contributes much more to your relationship than you do. The most amazing thing is that they are willing to put up with you.
5 to 10 – You have some redeeming qualities.
0 to 4 – You are a quite a catch. Somehow you have bucked the prevailing cultural forces that make most men into morons.
You might want to discuss your results with your significant other. It is possible to change your negative habits, and to reduce the hideous effects of your undesirable traits.
Remember, male humans ARE capable of learning.
Unfortunately, some traits such as snoring have biological causes. Determined significant others have succeeded in training their husbands to roll over on command in order to muffle nasal noises. In some cases, desperate wives slap ultra strong adhesive tape onto their husband’s noses in a vain attempt at stifling snoring.
Read on for a detailed discussion of each quiz question
1. Are you married, or in a relationship, with a human?
Humans are social animals. Lucky guys find a soul mate who can compensate for their many weaknesses and negative traits. On the other hand, less fortunate males dive into the toilet bowl of life and ride the currents to the bottom.
2. Do you snore like a brontosaurus?
According to my authoritative sources, men snore more than women. If you snore like a hippo and you have found a significant other, you are truly lucky.
If you are not a monster, and you do not want your wife to suffer, you should make an effort to reduce the abominable noises you make while sleeping.
Here are a few things that you can try: sleep on your side, use adhesive strips on your nose, lose some weight fatso, and don’t drink alcohol right before bed.
3. Are you in worse physical shape than you were in during high school?
If you are like most men your body betrays you slowly but surely. Muscle turns to flab as your body morphs into a marshmallow. What can you do about this?
Come on, it’s not rocket science. Stop stuffing your face with burgers and fries. Eat a healthy diet and exercise.
4. Are you a fat slob? Are you overweight?
See the discussion for question two.
Hey dummy, all you have to do is eat more fresh vegetables, fruits, whole grains, seafood, and dairy. Eat less saturated fats, meat, and processed food.
Get off your glutes and walk every day.
You can do it. You can decrease your fat slobbiness.
5. Do you drink beers or other alcoholic drinks with the guys?
Since time immemorial, men have enjoyed drinking booze and getting blasted. The mutually beneficial relationship between male humans and yeast has a long history.
Unfortunately for guys, the benefits of drinking alcohol are not always apparent to their significant others. What can you do?
Again, it doesn’t take Einstein to answer this one. The key is moderation. Eat, sip, enjoy a glass or a pint, and then call it a night.
6. Are you inept in the kitchen? Does your partner cook better than you?
If you answered ‘yes’ to this question, you need to man up. You are not a helpless little baby.
Take out a pot or pan and boil some water. Fry an egg. Toast a slice of bread. You can do it, you’re a big boy now. Watch as someone else cooks. Help out. Watch a cooking show.
7. Does your partner do more housework than you? Are you lousy at washing the dishes or cleaning? Does your partner end up doing most of the work so that the cleaning is done properly?
What are you? A man or a hyena? Do you enjoy living in filth? Are you really that lazy? Come on, join the human race. If you put some elbow grease into cleaning you might burn off a few calories. Have some compassion for your partner.
Make an effort to lift yourself out of the muck and slime of your indolence.
8. Do you interrupt your partner when he or she is trying to tell you something important?
How would you like to be constantly interrupted? Do you think that the pearls of wisdom that dribble from your mouth hold your significant other spellbound? Has it ever entered your selfish mind that someone else might have something important and interesting to say?
Maybe you are NOT the ‘Master of the Universe’. Maybe someone else might be able to contribute a teensy, tiny crumb of wisdom.
Try closing your mouth, smiling, and listening for a change.
9. Do you sometimes forget important events such as your wedding anniversary?
It doesn’t make sense. A man can remember a sports score or an IP address but not his wife’s birthday. Is there a defect in the male brain that causes men to forget information that is important to their partners? Yes! Scientists have not isolated the spot yet but the evidence is overwhelming for the existence of an “inconsiderate male amnesia” region of the brain.
Until someone comes up with a pill to solve this uniquely male affliction,
Write down everyone’s birthdays and your wedding anniversary, or you will surely regret it.
Come on, get with the 21st century. Use a calendar app and set reminders for everything.
10. Does your partner have better fashion sense than you? Does he or she pick out your clothes when you are dressing up for an important event?
This is a toughie. If you are fashion-challenged you may not even know it. Many men have regressed so much they might not ever regain the abilities to shop for clothes and to dress themselves.
If you have no clue about fashion, you have only one course of action.
Follow your significant other’s fashion advice without question. Don’t try to understand why it looks good or bad, just do what you are told and you will be a better man for it.
11. Do you waste money on unnecessary purchases such as electronic gadgets?
This phenomenon probably has its roots in the fascination an infant has for toys. We have all seen how a brightly colored trinket attracts the gaze of a toddler and men are no different.
If you must buy the latest techie gadgets don’t flaunt them and expound on their virtues every minute of the day.
Take your toys into your office or bedroom and play with them silently. Don’t inflict your digital obsessions on other people, especially your long-suffering significant other.
Last Words of Wisdom
Remember, just because you are a guy, that does NOT mean you have to be an asshole.
There IS hope for you if you open your mind, and make an effort.
If this quiz amused, irritated or provoked you, you might enjoy reading my latest novel “Who’s The Lucky Guy?“